1 00:00:00,550 --> 00:00:01,676 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:01,699 --> 00:00:03,677 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,456 - your hair! 4 00:00:13,478 --> 00:00:15,466 - your hair! 5 00:00:15,489 --> 00:00:16,807 What is all this? What happened? 6 00:00:16,831 --> 00:00:19,361 - who are all these people? 7 00:00:19,384 --> 00:00:20,638 And where is melanie? 8 00:00:20,661 --> 00:00:21,851 - help! 9 00:00:21,874 --> 00:00:22,937 - melanie! 10 00:00:22,961 --> 00:00:25,842 - help. 11 00:00:26,854 --> 00:00:27,917 Your hair! 12 00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:29,098 - we've already screamed About the hair. 13 00:00:29,121 --> 00:00:30,055 Are you okay? 14 00:00:30,079 --> 00:00:31,301 - how can I be okay? 15 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,184 I'm "Duck-taped" to a wall! 16 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,387 - it's duct-taped, With a "T." 17 00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:37,813 And I know this because I played A plucky plumber's wife 18 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:38,771 In the lifetime Original movie... 19 00:00:38,794 --> 00:00:40,527 - seriously? Now? 20 00:00:40,550 --> 00:00:43,357 - how did all this happen? 21 00:00:47,508 --> 00:00:48,922 Who's that? 22 00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:50,168 - the stripper's here. 23 00:00:50,191 --> 00:00:52,913 - yay! 24 00:00:52,935 --> 00:00:53,902 - afternoon, ma'am. 25 00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:54,891 - oh, no. 26 00:00:54,914 --> 00:00:57,030 No, no, no, no, no. 27 00:00:57,053 --> 00:00:58,116 - uh, look, 28 00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,032 Your car is parked Too far from the curb. 29 00:01:00,055 --> 00:01:01,467 I'm gonna let you off With a warning, but... 30 00:01:01,491 --> 00:01:02,776 - all right, Enough with the patter. 31 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:05,649 Come on in and show me What you got. 32 00:01:05,672 --> 00:01:06,640 - excuse me? 33 00:01:06,663 --> 00:01:08,427 - look, I have 20 women Coming here 34 00:01:08,450 --> 00:01:10,949 Expecting to see a g-man In a g-string. 35 00:01:10,972 --> 00:01:14,684 Doesn't look like You're packing much heat. 36 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:17,897 - stripper's here. 37 00:01:21,187 --> 00:01:24,186 We're gonna go Grate some cheese on his abs. 38 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:33,167 - I'll just take That ticket now. 39 00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:35,817 - well, seeing that You're a local celebrity... 40 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,604 - local? 41 00:01:37,627 --> 00:01:39,264 - I've seen you on the news. 42 00:01:39,287 --> 00:01:43,989 Anyway, make sure You move that car. 43 00:01:44,013 --> 00:01:45,649 And by the way, 44 00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:47,213 These pants are deceiving. 45 00:01:47,235 --> 00:01:50,043 I'm packing plenty. 46 00:01:53,557 --> 00:01:54,651 - where's the stripper? 47 00:01:54,674 --> 00:01:55,609 - oh, it wasn't a stripper. 48 00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:57,205 It was a real cop. 49 00:01:57,228 --> 00:01:58,291 And he let me off With a warning 50 00:01:58,313 --> 00:01:59,632 Because I'm A "Local" celebrity. 51 00:01:59,655 --> 00:02:01,067 - well, that's nice. - no, it's not. 52 00:02:01,090 --> 00:02:03,557 I'm a national celebrity. 53 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,866 I mean, it's one thing To own cleveland, 54 00:02:04,889 --> 00:02:07,069 But to be cleveland's own... 55 00:02:07,091 --> 00:02:09,718 Dear god, I need a drink. 56 00:02:09,742 --> 00:02:10,676 - wait, wait, wait. 57 00:02:10,699 --> 00:02:12,145 As maid of honor, 58 00:02:12,168 --> 00:02:13,612 It's my responsibility To make sure 59 00:02:13,635 --> 00:02:15,465 That no one has a hangover At elka's wedding tomorrow. 60 00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:16,870 - it's a bachelorette party. 61 00:02:16,893 --> 00:02:18,658 We're supposed To drink heavily. 62 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,924 I know, because I've been a bridesmaid 63 00:02:20,946 --> 00:02:23,606 So many, many times. 64 00:02:23,629 --> 00:02:25,105 - we can drink, But I read on the internet 65 00:02:25,128 --> 00:02:26,447 If you take lots of aspirin And drink water, 66 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,883 You won't get a hangover. 67 00:02:27,906 --> 00:02:30,628 - you know, you can't believe Everything you read online. 68 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,799 - it also said You need to coat your stomach 69 00:02:32,822 --> 00:02:33,852 With carbs. 70 00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:35,098 - ah, on the other hand, 71 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,459 The internet is A kind of folk wisdom. 72 00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:39,247 - and we don't want to ruin Elka's big day. 73 00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:40,460 - no. 74 00:02:40,483 --> 00:02:41,928 - and that's the last thing I remember. 75 00:02:41,952 --> 00:02:43,173 - me too. 76 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,120 - okay, so basically, The only thing we know for sure 77 00:02:45,143 --> 00:02:49,463 Is that hairy-bellied young men Enjoyed themselves. 78 00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,154 - but I need some more Of that aspirin. 79 00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:53,485 - oh. 80 00:02:53,508 --> 00:02:54,825 - melanie... 81 00:02:54,848 --> 00:02:56,263 This isn't aspirin. 82 00:02:56,285 --> 00:02:57,794 It's the dog's worm medicine. 83 00:02:57,817 --> 00:02:59,103 - what? 84 00:02:59,126 --> 00:03:00,508 - you dosed us With dog drugs? 85 00:03:00,532 --> 00:03:01,593 - well, not on purpose! 86 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,061 It looks just like The aspirin bottle. 87 00:03:03,085 --> 00:03:04,529 - "If ingested by humans, 88 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,371 "Could result In extreme erratic behavior, 89 00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:08,744 Anxiety, delusions, Depression..." 90 00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:09,701 Both: 91 00:03:09,724 --> 00:03:10,723 - "And sudden weight loss." 92 00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:12,415 - oh! - oh, really? 93 00:03:12,438 --> 00:03:14,649 I could lose a pound Or two. 94 00:03:14,673 --> 00:03:16,597 - I'm sure whatever weight We lost was offset 95 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,641 By the gallons Of champagne we drank. 96 00:03:18,663 --> 00:03:20,747 - and maple syrup? 97 00:03:20,770 --> 00:03:22,598 - maple syrup! 98 00:03:22,621 --> 00:03:24,099 I just remembered something. 99 00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:26,173 I kissed a man that smelled Like maple syrup. 100 00:03:26,197 --> 00:03:27,578 But which one was it? 101 00:03:28,558 --> 00:03:30,803 Jagermeister. 102 00:03:31,847 --> 00:03:34,186 Goldschlager. 103 00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:36,580 Oof. 104 00:03:36,603 --> 00:03:39,197 A general matthew mcconaughey Kind of funk. 105 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,188 - wait! 106 00:03:40,211 --> 00:03:41,911 No, I-I remember Maple syrup guy. 107 00:03:41,935 --> 00:03:43,731 No, he, uh, He had a mustache 108 00:03:43,754 --> 00:03:44,784 And a-a funny accent, 109 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,934 And I kissed him after you. 110 00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:47,179 - damn! 111 00:03:47,203 --> 00:03:49,318 Even during confusing Animal medicine blackouts, 112 00:03:49,341 --> 00:03:51,010 I can't keep a man. 113 00:03:51,033 --> 00:03:52,989 - guys, we can figure out What we did later. 114 00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:53,946 Right now we have to get 115 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:55,031 All these people Out of here 116 00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:56,501 And get ready For elka's wedding. 117 00:03:56,523 --> 00:03:59,309 I'm a terrible maid of honor. 118 00:03:59,332 --> 00:04:00,458 - oh, god. 119 00:04:00,481 --> 00:04:03,331 I've just noticed I'm... 120 00:04:03,354 --> 00:04:05,087 I'm wearing a wedding ring. 121 00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,332 Did I get married last night? 122 00:04:06,355 --> 00:04:07,450 - we don't know. 123 00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:08,790 We don't know what we did Last night. 124 00:04:08,814 --> 00:04:11,185 - it must have been The funny-accented man 125 00:04:11,208 --> 00:04:13,068 With the maple syrup mustache. 126 00:04:13,091 --> 00:04:15,782 Not the most promising profile, But at least he's mine. 127 00:04:15,805 --> 00:04:16,771 - not so fast. 128 00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,378 Apparently, I got married too. 129 00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:31,009 - come on, go on. Yeah, get outta here. 130 00:04:31,032 --> 00:04:32,062 Right, yeah. 131 00:04:32,085 --> 00:04:33,467 - why are you giving them Gift bags? 132 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,254 - well, I'm still the hostess. 133 00:04:35,277 --> 00:04:36,595 - mascara? 134 00:04:36,618 --> 00:04:37,935 Don't you have something For guys? 135 00:04:37,958 --> 00:04:42,788 - you weren't even supposed To be here. 136 00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:44,194 Anyway, it's l'oreal Million lashes. 137 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,661 You should just give it To your girlfriend. 138 00:04:45,684 --> 00:04:49,971 - oh, cool, then. Here. 139 00:04:49,994 --> 00:04:51,248 - why me? 140 00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:52,684 - dude, we totally Made out last night 141 00:04:52,707 --> 00:04:54,951 For, like, three hours. 142 00:04:54,974 --> 00:04:57,781 Check my facebook page. 143 00:05:00,272 --> 00:05:01,398 - thanks. 144 00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:03,730 - ladies, uh, We have a little problem. 145 00:05:03,753 --> 00:05:04,975 I can't find elka. 146 00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:06,603 She's not in her cottage, 147 00:05:06,626 --> 00:05:08,135 She missed Her hairdresser's appointment, 148 00:05:08,157 --> 00:05:09,316 And she's not answering Her cell. 149 00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:10,594 - she's getting married In three hours. 150 00:05:10,616 --> 00:05:11,870 Oh, m... This is a disaster! 151 00:05:11,892 --> 00:05:12,828 - all right, Let's not go 152 00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,136 To full-out panic Just yet. 153 00:05:14,159 --> 00:05:16,499 I'm sure she's with fred. 154 00:05:16,522 --> 00:05:19,946 Oh, no, it's fred. 155 00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:21,926 Uh, look, you're not supposed To see the bride. 156 00:05:21,949 --> 00:05:23,649 Unless, of course, Elka called or emailed you 157 00:05:23,672 --> 00:05:24,863 And asked you to come over. 158 00:05:24,886 --> 00:05:26,458 Did she do that? 159 00:05:26,481 --> 00:05:27,767 - no, I haven't talked To elka 160 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,650 Since she was getting ready To come to your party. 161 00:05:29,673 --> 00:05:30,959 - ah. - ooh! 162 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:33,194 Some party! 163 00:05:33,217 --> 00:05:36,291 My bachelor party Got a little wild too. 164 00:05:36,314 --> 00:05:39,259 Caffeinated sodas After 10:00. 165 00:05:40,559 --> 00:05:41,846 Still feeling it. 166 00:05:41,869 --> 00:05:43,762 - it's a great story, fred. 167 00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:44,878 Well, nice to see you. 168 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:45,963 - oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 169 00:05:45,986 --> 00:05:48,390 I need you guys to find My lucky shorts. 170 00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,592 I left them In elka's bedroom. 171 00:05:50,615 --> 00:05:51,997 - what's so lucky about them? 172 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,487 - well, the fact that They're in elka's bedroom... 173 00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:56,083 Would have... 174 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,263 - okay, we will find them, 175 00:05:57,286 --> 00:05:59,052 And we will get them To you. 176 00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:01,574 - black boxer briefs. 177 00:06:01,597 --> 00:06:03,808 Uh, low-rise. 178 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:06,713 Mesh side panels. 179 00:06:06,736 --> 00:06:08,309 - you paint a vivid picture. 180 00:06:08,332 --> 00:06:10,097 - oh, and when you talk To elka, 181 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,162 Will you please tell her That every hour we're apart, 182 00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,843 My heart becomes A little smaller. 183 00:06:15,866 --> 00:06:17,312 - aww. 184 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,843 - and it's not good For my heart, 185 00:06:18,866 --> 00:06:22,132 So tell her To call me already. 186 00:06:22,154 --> 00:06:23,759 - can we full-on panic now? 187 00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:25,260 - it doesn't make any sense. 188 00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:26,665 There's no sign Of her anywhere? 189 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,740 - sign! Elka was looking For a sign. 190 00:06:28,762 --> 00:06:30,081 We talked about it last night. 191 00:06:30,104 --> 00:06:33,370 I remember being Very interesting and witty. 192 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:37,455 Wazzuuuuuuup? 193 00:06:37,477 --> 00:06:41,956 - you're loaded, That's wazzuuuuuuup. 194 00:06:41,979 --> 00:06:44,510 - but I'm not gonna get A hangover 195 00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:48,660 Because I took lots and lots Of aspirin. 196 00:06:48,683 --> 00:06:50,064 What are you doing out here? 197 00:06:50,088 --> 00:06:52,362 Weren't you having fun At your party? 198 00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:55,746 - I was, But it's almost midnight, 199 00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:57,630 And I haven't gotten My sign yet. 200 00:06:57,653 --> 00:06:58,747 - your sign? 201 00:06:58,771 --> 00:07:01,238 - from my late husband, bobby. 202 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:03,983 So I'll know if he's okay With my marrying fred. 203 00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:11,995 An owl. 204 00:07:12,018 --> 00:07:14,006 - was that the sign? 205 00:07:14,029 --> 00:07:16,241 - it might be. 206 00:07:16,264 --> 00:07:18,699 Bobby always liked Those potato chips 207 00:07:18,722 --> 00:07:21,891 With the owl on them. 208 00:07:21,914 --> 00:07:22,881 - I... 209 00:07:22,904 --> 00:07:24,476 Love... 210 00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:26,361 Potato chips. 211 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,574 - oh, I've gotta get A closer look 212 00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:31,659 At that owl. 213 00:07:31,682 --> 00:07:32,777 - I know. 214 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,171 I'll climb up And ask him if it's okay 215 00:07:35,194 --> 00:07:36,130 If you get married. 216 00:07:36,153 --> 00:07:37,661 - no, you're too drunk. 217 00:07:37,684 --> 00:07:42,130 - no, I'm just drunk enough. 218 00:07:42,153 --> 00:07:44,333 Mr. Owl... 219 00:07:44,356 --> 00:07:47,462 Wazzuuuuuuuup! 220 00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:48,961 - oh, god, I feel so vibrant 221 00:07:48,984 --> 00:07:50,589 And alive and energized And alive! 222 00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:51,930 And did I say alive? 223 00:07:51,953 --> 00:07:55,124 I meant to say it twice Because that's how alive I feel. 224 00:07:55,146 --> 00:07:56,686 - I feel weird. 225 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:57,900 Maybe we should stop drinking. 226 00:07:57,923 --> 00:07:59,401 - no, that's quitter talk. 227 00:07:59,424 --> 00:08:01,030 You need to be strong In the face of your emotions 228 00:08:01,053 --> 00:08:02,401 Because I've noticed Your emotions 229 00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:04,157 Can sense your moods, And then when you're sad, 230 00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:05,498 They're happy Because they want... 231 00:08:05,521 --> 00:08:07,158 And can you believe elka Is getting married 232 00:08:07,181 --> 00:08:10,893 Before I am? 233 00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:14,787 - "Local celebrity." 234 00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:16,447 Ah, that's how it starts. 235 00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:18,491 Or should I say finishes? 236 00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:20,565 She's been married before. Melanie's been married before. 237 00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:22,098 You've been married Like a million times. 238 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,917 It can't be that hard. I'm gonna get married tonight. 239 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:25,066 I know, I'll lower my standards. 240 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:28,355 But how is that even possible? 241 00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:31,675 - the four stages Of an actor's life. 242 00:08:31,697 --> 00:08:33,398 "Get me victoria chase. 243 00:08:33,422 --> 00:08:36,112 "Get me A victoria chase type. 244 00:08:36,134 --> 00:08:38,793 "Get me a young Victoria chase. 245 00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:42,751 Who's victoria chase?" 246 00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:44,508 - I'm so glad we're having This conversation 247 00:08:44,531 --> 00:08:46,582 Because I feel we're connecting On a deeper level. 248 00:08:46,605 --> 00:08:48,646 God, I feel so alive! 249 00:08:51,171 --> 00:08:53,381 - how's the owl look? 250 00:08:53,404 --> 00:08:56,063 - scary, like wolf blitzer. 251 00:08:56,086 --> 00:08:59,830 Owl, is it okay If elka gets married? 252 00:08:59,853 --> 00:09:01,554 - what's he doing? 253 00:09:01,577 --> 00:09:03,821 - staring at a gray squirrel 254 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,992 That looks like Anderson cooper. 255 00:09:06,015 --> 00:09:08,386 Oh, no, wolf blitzer Is carrying him away. 256 00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:09,662 I'll save you, anderson! 257 00:09:09,685 --> 00:09:14,068 Whoa... Yaaaah! 258 00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:16,482 I'm okay. 259 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:26,326 - I think that squirrel Bit my ankle. 260 00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:28,497 Or maybe it was One of the frat boys. 261 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,392 Either way, I'm gonna need A tetanus shot. 262 00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:33,572 Frat house. 263 00:09:33,595 --> 00:09:34,849 I remember. 264 00:09:34,871 --> 00:09:37,052 Elka was looking for her sign From her husband, 265 00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:38,552 So she wanted to go To all the places 266 00:09:38,575 --> 00:09:39,542 Where they had memories. 267 00:09:39,566 --> 00:09:40,627 - that's right. 268 00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:41,969 We went to their first Apartment, 269 00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:43,820 Which is now part Of a college dorm. 270 00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:45,225 Which explains the frat boys 271 00:09:45,247 --> 00:09:46,724 All over the furniture This morning 272 00:09:46,747 --> 00:09:51,193 And why someone wrote Kappa sig on my back. 273 00:09:51,217 --> 00:09:52,311 - the mugs. 274 00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:53,685 - the mugs? 275 00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:56,749 Who are you, Edward g. Robinson? 276 00:09:56,772 --> 00:09:58,600 - the mugs over the bar. 277 00:09:58,624 --> 00:10:00,260 We went there last night, Remember? 278 00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:02,431 - because that's where Elka's husband proposed. 279 00:10:02,454 --> 00:10:04,315 He surprised her By arranging the mugs 280 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:05,527 To spell "Marry me." 281 00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:07,911 - and what did they spell Last night? 282 00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:12,667 - oh, I hope elka Didn't see that. 283 00:10:15,351 --> 00:10:16,541 - oh, hey, you're back. 284 00:10:16,564 --> 00:10:18,009 - oh, thank god you remember us. 285 00:10:18,032 --> 00:10:19,828 We're desperate to find Our friend elka. 286 00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:21,744 Was she here with us Last night? 287 00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,500 - yeah, she got upset and left After she saw these mugs. 288 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,383 - why do they say "Don't do it"? 289 00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:27,107 - it was for the purity pledge Dinner. 290 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,437 You guys stayed And took the oath. 291 00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:30,522 - we did? 292 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,353 - not you. You won a wet t-shirt contest. 293 00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:39,046 - I entered a wet t-shirt Contest? 294 00:10:39,069 --> 00:10:41,632 - you started it. 295 00:10:41,655 --> 00:10:42,876 You came in wearing A wet shirt 296 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:44,473 And challenged everybody. 297 00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:45,973 I believe Your exact words were, 298 00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:50,378 "Nobody can beat these." 299 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:51,400 - holy... 300 00:10:51,423 --> 00:10:53,060 Oh! 301 00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,369 I remember How I got wet. 302 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:55,550 We were in church. 303 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,465 - was it my wedding? - or mine? 304 00:10:57,488 --> 00:10:58,775 - no, it's the church That elka and fred 305 00:10:58,798 --> 00:10:59,828 Are gonna get married at. 306 00:10:59,851 --> 00:11:01,456 She was still looking For her sign. 307 00:11:01,479 --> 00:11:03,243 - god didn't get married Either, did he? 308 00:11:03,266 --> 00:11:04,488 I mean, there was no mrs. God. 309 00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:06,372 Would she be mrs. God? Not if she kept her maiden name. 310 00:11:06,395 --> 00:11:07,361 But why would she do that? 311 00:11:07,384 --> 00:11:08,830 Mrs. God! 312 00:11:08,853 --> 00:11:12,885 It would be so easy To get reservations. 313 00:11:12,907 --> 00:11:14,416 God was alone. 314 00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:15,854 I feel his pain. 315 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,610 That's why we're both So vengeful. 316 00:11:17,632 --> 00:11:19,747 I'm gonna marry the next guy That'll have me. 317 00:11:19,770 --> 00:11:21,727 - what guy wouldn't have you? 318 00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:24,951 - what guy hasn't had you? 319 00:11:24,974 --> 00:11:26,962 Can we get back to my sign? 320 00:11:26,985 --> 00:11:29,803 Bobby, please. Give me something. 321 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:31,751 - I know what we can do. 322 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,303 You can open the bible, Close your eyes, 323 00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:35,804 And then put your finger On a passage 324 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:36,858 And see what it says. 325 00:11:36,881 --> 00:11:39,317 - oh, like god's magic 8 ball. 326 00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:41,007 Signs point to yes. Outlook cloudy. 327 00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:42,700 You're going on a long trip. Agh! 328 00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:45,063 That's a fortune cookie. 329 00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:46,020 - I can't look. 330 00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:51,127 - I shall do the reading Of the word. 331 00:11:51,151 --> 00:11:54,032 Uh, "Those who marry Will face many troubles 332 00:11:54,056 --> 00:11:55,119 In this life." 333 00:11:55,141 --> 00:11:56,842 - oh, no. 334 00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:59,448 - uh, how 'bout best twoeth Out of threeth? 335 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,439 "The lord has prepared His people 336 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,706 For a great slaughter." 337 00:12:06,729 --> 00:12:09,292 And, uh, 338 00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:12,101 May the oldest and most Bedazzled amongst you 339 00:12:12,124 --> 00:12:15,549 Nay, sweateth not, But just go for it. 340 00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:17,368 - you made that up. 341 00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:19,603 You just blasphemed. 342 00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:22,572 Blas... Blaspheme... Bla... 343 00:12:22,595 --> 00:12:24,583 You did a bad thing. 344 00:12:24,606 --> 00:12:26,498 - what are you eating? 345 00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:27,999 - oh, I found these crackers 346 00:12:28,022 --> 00:12:29,499 With these cute little ts On them. 347 00:12:29,522 --> 00:12:30,968 - those are crosses. 348 00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:34,415 You're eating The communion wafers. 349 00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:35,597 - oh, no. 350 00:12:35,619 --> 00:12:36,682 Oh, no. 351 00:12:36,705 --> 00:12:39,511 I'm gonna go Straight to he... 352 00:12:42,482 --> 00:12:44,012 Help. 353 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,217 - so, high on dog medicine, 354 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,228 I ate a box Of communion wafers 355 00:12:52,251 --> 00:12:55,058 And won a wet t-shirt contest Drenched in holy water. 356 00:12:59,626 --> 00:13:01,389 How many sins is that? 357 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:02,698 - well... 358 00:13:02,721 --> 00:13:04,997 Well, at least the wafers Hadn't been blessed yet. 359 00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:06,243 - how do you know that? 360 00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:07,934 - don't you remember On edge of tomorrow, 361 00:13:07,957 --> 00:13:09,211 When honor st. Raven Became a nun 362 00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:10,615 And took a vow of silence? 363 00:13:10,638 --> 00:13:13,446 You know, I did all my acting With my eyes. 364 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,949 - hey. Weird question. 365 00:13:27,972 --> 00:13:29,131 Did you take my iguana? 366 00:13:29,154 --> 00:13:31,078 - the iguana's at our house. 367 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,897 We'll bring it back After the wedding. 368 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,729 If there is a wedding. 369 00:13:39,306 --> 00:13:40,591 Pancakes. 370 00:13:40,615 --> 00:13:41,868 - the thing about pancakes 371 00:13:41,891 --> 00:13:43,401 Is they're also called hotcakes 372 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,220 And sometimes johnny cakes, And yet all of these cakes, 373 00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:46,721 None of them has frosting, Which, by the way, 374 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,902 They ought to sell In single servings. 375 00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:50,104 Single-serving frosting! 376 00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:51,381 That's a million-dollar idea! 377 00:13:51,404 --> 00:13:54,638 We need to become man-traps. 378 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,169 - I have an announcement To make. 379 00:13:56,192 --> 00:13:58,499 I am gonna get fat. 380 00:13:58,523 --> 00:14:00,128 I don't know, It seems that people like 381 00:14:00,151 --> 00:14:02,745 Their local celebrities jolly. 382 00:14:02,768 --> 00:14:06,161 And also, These things are awesome. 383 00:14:06,184 --> 00:14:07,534 I mean, how come I haven't Eaten one 384 00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:09,226 In, like, 20 years? 385 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,386 Oh, uh, barkeep? 386 00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:13,759 We need some more Maple syrup, please. 387 00:14:13,782 --> 00:14:17,015 - sorry, you drank The last bottle. 388 00:14:17,038 --> 00:14:19,728 - everything is ruined. 389 00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:21,165 - victoria, victoria, victoria. 390 00:14:21,188 --> 00:14:23,303 Syrup is the frosting Of pancakes. 391 00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:24,836 Which is why we need To get more. 392 00:14:24,858 --> 00:14:27,326 - what are we gonna do? Go to canada? 393 00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,114 - yes! 394 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,998 That's exactly what We should do. 395 00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:32,753 Canada is the crazy thing We need 396 00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:34,381 To shake up our attitudes Towards pancakes 397 00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:35,339 And men and love. 398 00:14:35,362 --> 00:14:36,871 Let's go! 399 00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:41,277 - she's a genius. 400 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,096 - you guys flew to canada? 401 00:14:43,119 --> 00:14:44,500 - we did. 402 00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:45,873 We talked our way Onto a charter jet 403 00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:46,990 Full of big-haired women. 404 00:14:47,013 --> 00:14:50,182 - it was the road company Of hairspray. 405 00:14:50,205 --> 00:14:52,417 So maybe our husbands Are in musical theater. 406 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:53,790 - our husbands are gay? 407 00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:55,066 - well, it isn't so bad. 408 00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:56,663 I mean, there's problems In the bedroom, 409 00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:58,770 But the rest of the house Is spectacular. 410 00:14:58,793 --> 00:15:00,174 - listen, I'm glad you guys Are starting 411 00:15:00,197 --> 00:15:01,228 To remember stuff, 412 00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:02,760 But we really need To find elka. 413 00:15:02,783 --> 00:15:04,102 - you're right. - of course. 414 00:15:04,124 --> 00:15:05,697 - she's probably out looking For her sign, 415 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,783 But where? 416 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:07,772 We've covered the places 417 00:15:07,795 --> 00:15:09,496 She and her husband Were together. 418 00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:11,586 - what about the last place They were together? 419 00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,998 - it doesn't Have to be lightning, 420 00:15:17,021 --> 00:15:21,818 Or a miracle, Like the browns winning. 421 00:15:21,841 --> 00:15:23,977 I just need something. 422 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,341 - elka? 423 00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:30,022 - fred! What are you doing here? 424 00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:32,672 I came to visit My wife's grave. 425 00:15:32,695 --> 00:15:36,151 I wanted to make sure That she was okay with us. 426 00:15:36,174 --> 00:15:38,513 I was looking for... 427 00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,142 A sign. 428 00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,185 - me, too. 429 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,887 And I think it just arrived. 430 00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:51,986 All: aw. 431 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:54,666 - now we don't have to feel Guilty anymore. 432 00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:58,710 - except that I'm literally Dancing on my husband's grave. 433 00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:14,427 - oh, my god. 434 00:16:14,449 --> 00:16:16,534 - are you remembering What I'm remembering? 435 00:16:16,557 --> 00:16:18,960 - therefore, By the power vested 436 00:16:18,984 --> 00:16:20,237 In me by the province of Ontario, 437 00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:21,609 I now pronounce you... 438 00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:26,078 Both: we're married. 439 00:16:26,102 --> 00:16:29,271 - you're two measures behind! Go! 440 00:16:29,294 --> 00:16:31,346 - we didn't even Have a pre-nup. 441 00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,623 - that's what You're worried about? 442 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:33,963 - all right, don't be snarky. 443 00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:35,911 If we're gonna be married, We can't be snarky. 444 00:16:35,934 --> 00:16:38,559 - we're not going to be married, We are married. 445 00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:40,826 - be a good wife, And zip it. 446 00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:42,104 - you be a good wife. 447 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:45,094 It'll break your streak. 448 00:16:53,236 --> 00:16:55,479 all: oh! 449 00:16:55,502 --> 00:17:01,672 ♪ ♪ 450 00:17:01,696 --> 00:17:02,790 - stop! 451 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,971 Elka, don't marry him! Marry me! 452 00:17:08,878 --> 00:17:10,387 I've been in love with you 453 00:17:10,410 --> 00:17:12,174 Since you walked into The senior center 454 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,729 And bent over To close my velcro sneaker. 455 00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:17,761 Now I want us to be Fastened together, too. 456 00:17:17,785 --> 00:17:20,156 - no, elka, marry me! 457 00:17:20,178 --> 00:17:21,369 - sit down, lester. 458 00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:23,572 - oh, ernie, you sit down. 459 00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:25,263 Elka, if you move in with me, 460 00:17:25,286 --> 00:17:28,935 Together we can walk to shopping Without ever having to cross 461 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:31,265 One single intersection! 462 00:17:31,288 --> 00:17:34,585 - both of you, stop embarrassing My number one lady! 463 00:17:34,608 --> 00:17:36,010 Elka, marry me. 464 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:41,033 - you can all stop. Please! 465 00:17:41,056 --> 00:17:46,396 The only man I'm here to marry Is right down there. 466 00:17:46,419 --> 00:17:48,280 - elka, don't do it! 467 00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:49,430 - max? 468 00:17:49,452 --> 00:17:52,622 - if you're gonna marry anybody, Marry me. 469 00:17:52,645 --> 00:17:54,345 I should've Never let you go. 470 00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:57,602 - she's not gonna marry Any of you losers. 471 00:17:57,624 --> 00:18:01,304 She's already married to me. How about that? 472 00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:04,751 - elka, who is that? 473 00:18:04,774 --> 00:18:06,795 - my dead husband. 474 00:18:06,818 --> 00:18:09,401 - that's right. I'm back.